I had a weird experience tonight.
I dug out a bunch of S.Rube's old clothes to go through a month or so ago (okay, more like 2 months ago...) and found my favourite pair of her shoes - a pretty brown suede pair of MaryJanes with a deep fushia flower strap that velcros up. Almost like new, I can hardly wait for them to fit T.Rube.
Because the garbage bag of clothes ( and the shoes ) sat in the Little Rube's room for a month before I found the energy to get to the daunting job, the girls had unpacked the bag a few times over. On more than one occasion, I picked up those beautiful shoes and threw them back onto the top of the garbage bag in the corner. One day, I noticed that there was only one shoe. I kept my eyes open for the other one, went through the bag of clothes quickly, feeling for the second shoe, I did quick searches of the house for the next few days.
Then, I figured that when I actually got to the job of going through the clothes, there would be two shoes. I mean, where the hell could it go, right?
But, there wasn't. When I actually got to the job, there wasn't. two shoes.
There was one sad shoe. and one sad J.Rube.
I HATE looking for things. In fact, unless I absolutely have to, I don't look for things.
But, these shoes....
The fact that I only had one OBSESSED me. T.Rube won't even be able to wear them for another 4 or 5 months, but I NEEDED THEM NOW.
I told my mom on the phone about missing one of them. I told B.Rube about missing one of them. I spent time every couple of days looking for it.
I kinda remembered putting the one missing one back into a bag of clothes that was still too big for T.Rube, after it sat alone on her dresser for a couple of weeks, but I couldn't even find that bag when I went looking for it.
I thought about this little missing shoe at some point every day; sometimes more than once a day. And it made me sad. That's how much I LOVE these shoes.
I decided that when my mom comes at the beginning of June, I would buy T.Rube a nice pair of shoes to replace these. Or, better yet, my mom could buy them for her! If the other ones happened to show up in time to fit T.Rube, great. If they didn't, I'd survive.
So, tonight, as I walked into T.Rube's room to get her pyjamas, I walked to the closet instead. I opened the closet door and became aware that I had come for the shoes. Without a thought or a hesitation, I reached my left hand up to the top shelf and placed it down on a shoe. THE shoe.
Again, without further thought or hesitation, I reached my right hand down into a garbage bag of clothes and instantly placed it on a shoe. THE shoe.
It was as if I had been guided there.
My heart kinda pounded a bit. And then I gave a little smirk.
When we finally let go, it is there.