It is with someone like Jon Paul that the name 'rube' just doesn't cut it. Feel free to draw your big guns for this one.
My instincts about Jon Paul were correct. (him and his fucking Smart car and cute suede shoes; him looking down his nose at all of our exposed wood and our mud).
I cleaned like crazy. For nothing.
I got a phone call from the bank today and they received Jon Paul's appraisal. They had some questions for me about the state of our home. My good friend, JP, reported it as being in "extreme disrepair" and "not likely to withstand the length of ammortization requested."
"Does your roof have leaks or require a new roof or something?"
"uhhh..no. In fact, we just put a brand new red metal roof on our home last year."
"Are there other major structural issues, then?"
"uhhh..no. The structure of the house is fine."
"So the house doesn't have a lean to it?"
"uhhh..no. It's standing up straight and tall."
"And there are no tarps covering parts of it?"
"uhhh..no. What part of this aren't you hearing?"
"How about the windows? Are they all okay?"
"What do you mean okay? Yes, the windows are fine. original, but fine."
"Well...something's wrong then. This appraisal basically says that your house is a dump. I didn't really see you guys as the sort of people that would live in a place like this even, so I thought I'd better ask you about it. I mean, I've had 90-year-old homes that have had way better ratings than yours got."
It's hurt and offended me. We're not proud of our home to begin with. B.Rube recently told me that he's embarrassed to host poker night here. If we had more money, we'd love to renovate further and add an addition onto the back. We even have the plans done up for the addition because we considered it 2 years ago. We realize there are things that could be done. But, there is also nothing here that NEEDS to get done. We have taken care of the important things, like the roof, like the deck railing, like the hydro poles and lines coming back to the house, like the bathroom (completely renovated bathroom with a huge steam room with glass bricks and slate.....). We have done so much outside. I mean, the entire 5 acres was covered in 8 foot high blackberry bushes...
We've sacrificed having a nice house right now, in order to have the property around us and to have the farm animals and to be able to provide a certain lifestyle for our girls. Most of the time, I'm okay with that. Times like this, I'm not.
Screw you, Jon Paul.
May your fancy footwear always be muddy.