Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Screw You, Jon Paul

It is with someone like Jon Paul that the name 'rube' just doesn't cut it. Feel free to draw your big guns for this one.
My instincts about Jon Paul were correct. (him and his fucking Smart car and cute suede shoes; him looking down his nose at all of our exposed wood and our mud).
I cleaned like crazy. For nothing.
I got a phone call from the bank today and they received Jon Paul's appraisal. They had some questions for me about the state of our home. My good friend, JP, reported it as being in "extreme disrepair" and "not likely to withstand the length of ammortization requested."
Pardon me??

"Does your roof have leaks or require a new roof or something?"
"uhhh..no. In fact, we just put a brand new red metal roof on our home last year."
"Are there other major structural issues, then?"
"uhhh..no. The structure of the house is fine."
"So the house doesn't have a lean to it?"
"uhhh..no. It's standing up straight and tall."
"And there are no tarps covering parts of it?"
"uhhh..no. What part of this aren't you hearing?"
"How about the windows? Are they all okay?"
"What do you mean okay? Yes, the windows are fine. original, but fine."
"Well...something's wrong then. This appraisal basically says that your house is a dump. I didn't really see you guys as the sort of people that would live in a place like this even, so I thought I'd better ask you about it. I mean, I've had 90-year-old homes that have had way better ratings than yours got."

It's hurt and offended me. We're not proud of our home to begin with. B.Rube recently told me that he's embarrassed to host poker night here. If we had more money, we'd love to renovate further and add an addition onto the back. We even have the plans done up for the addition because we considered it 2 years ago. We realize there are things that could be done. But, there is also nothing here that NEEDS to get done. We have taken care of the important things, like the roof, like the deck railing, like the hydro poles and lines coming back to the house, like the bathroom (completely renovated bathroom with a huge steam room with glass bricks and slate.....). We have done so much outside. I mean, the entire 5 acres was covered in 8 foot high blackberry bushes...
We've sacrificed having a nice house right now, in order to have the property around us and to have the farm animals and to be able to provide a certain lifestyle for our girls. Most of the time, I'm okay with that. Times like this, I'm not.

Screw you, Jon Paul.
May your fancy footwear always be muddy.


Renee said...

This sucks! I'm sorry he made you feel this way. Screw him! What does he know? Your house is your HOME and although I haven't been there, I am certain that it's in great shape and Mr. JP is just a finicky, judgmental, conceited ass. Eff him.


Anonymous said...

Jon Paul has his thumb up his ass J.Rube. DO NOT LET THIS UPSET YOU.
You have a wonderful house...and I have so many many many wonderful memories of functions and gatherings there. Too many to mention in fact.
You are the good writer......If I were you I'd seriously write a strong letter to his organization of how he made you feel on his visit, and how you feel he is discrimanating (sp) against you because your house is not a palace on the bluffs of white rock which is aspires to have himself.
AND -- what about the new guest room you did downstairs.
What an asshole.....now you have me all wired up.
And tell B.Rube --- he should never be embarrased...because I know I speak for many that coming to your beautiful house and propert is always a treat.
Pissed off in Jersey

Anonymous said...

What a dick!! I have nothing more to add, but I second the "eff him".

Anonymous said...

I have been to your house...it is full to the brim with love and fun character building experiences for your girls. A new modern house would look wrong in many ways on your beautiful property. What does this JP, John Paul, smart car driving, loafer wearing goof know anyway? Both you and B.Rube should be proud...don't let this guy make you question your life goal decisions. You know what is best for your family.


Anonymous said...

Jon Paul should go back to his trendy yaletown townhouse and f-himself! What a dick! Can't you get the bank to send someone else out as JP obviously can't do his job properly. You guys have done a fabulous job with the house and the property - it's cozy and warm and very welcoming! I'd definately contact the bank and get someone else out!

AppleTree 43 said...

I think you should copy all these comments and send them to Jon Paul

Magnolia said...

I second that emotion!!!!
Please tell me that his narrow minded crap opinion doesnt' count for anything.
Get a second opinion...(and maybe strap on a butterfly before they come-lol)
Sorry- just trying to lighten things up a bit.


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