Sunday, April 20, 2008

She flashed us her C!

awwwwwwwwww, I'm all misty-eyed. Weddings always do that to me. (I think that's one of the reasons that I've never gotten married. I'm a little afraid of the waterworks actually. It just wouldn't be pleasant.)

Chawalissa just got married..... woooooeeeeeeeee. She was the only other Chawbacon girl that had been living in sin. Now, it's just me.
We've all been working on the wedding for a while now! All of us bridesmaids. (and, no, Chawshannon, you WERE NOT the maid of honor. Screw that. You KNOW that we didn't want to put that kind of pressure on her to have to choose between us. We all just come together as one large lump. The Chawbacon Lump. God.... that just doesn't sound very nice, does it? That's what we're called...cuz that's what I named us. Chawbacon. I can't believe you guys let me name us that. and we kept it. It makes people envision a big brown hairy guy. a bit of a stretch from who we are, wouldn't you say? although, on some days, I'm sure the Chawbacon Lump DOES look a lot like a big brown hairy guy.)

Besides, she TOTALLY would have chosen me as her Maid of HonoUr, had we granted her that privilege..... (franky, because I'm her favoUrite.)

We all had to pitch in on the research and preparation for this huDge event. Because although Chawalissa was stellar at putting together her 'short'lists, she was the only one who would define them as short. And, incapable of making a decision on her own, particularly of this magnitude, of course she turned to us. Who wouldn't?

First, it was the location, hotel, chapel and dates. Later, the dress, the tiara, the hair and the makeup. We wanted Chawalissa's day to be something beautiful and special!!!

We've been nervous all weekend.... I mean, first someone took Chawalissa's fiance's luggage (now and forever known simply as Chawhusband, along with all the rest of them. (well, except for B.Rube, because he's the only one that's still not an actual husband.)) Then, they lost their marriage license and had to go back for another one. 8 pm on Sunday night could not come quickly enough for us.

We gathered together early for a few drinks and some anticipatory chatter. We said our hellos enthusastically and exclaimed how nervous Chawalissa must be at that very moment! We had last minute visits to the bathroom, to the lambs, and off to pour another drink as the hour reached eight. We couldn't wait to see her finally come down the aisle. We waited. and waited. and waited. We wondered if we were at the wrong chapel. She DID say Garden Chapel, didn't she?? It might have been Gazebo. Gazebo. Garden. No, it was definitely Garden. Where is she????? She's really making me nervous now. My heart is pounding. I just keep getting that well-spoken Elvis dude! Everytime I hit refresh, he just pops back up again! Someone call the chapel. Find out if we're in the right place. Chawsherri will call. She likes to call. They're closed? How can they be closed?

And, then, finally, as I hit refresh one more time, there was Chawalissa's fiance (soon-to-be-Chawhusband) standing with Mr. Officianado. (or whatever qualifications he may have to perform this sanction of marriage....).

I could hear Pachabel playing into my ears from my flimsy cheap Walmart headset that makes me want to sing "Vogue." OH MY GOD, it was starting!!!

I flipped back quickly to the Chatzky screen and typed something that looked like this:
i's= onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
dsh'es thete!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Man, she looked beautiful. absolutely beautiful. And soon-to-be-Chawhusband sure cleaned up nicely too.

As I listen to Mr.Officianado speak motivationally (this is where I get a bit misty-eyed) about love and marriage and commitment, I catch a glimmer of Chawmarisa's earrings in the bride's ears. and I imagine that I can hear the tinkering of "here comes the bride" playing from Chawrenee's garter belt that the bride's wearing. And I can see the light shine on Chawalissa's mom's bracelet on the bride's wrist. We were there. You better believe we were all there.

Halfway through the ceremony, Mr.Officianado takes a moment to acknowlege the many voyeurs out here in cyberspace, spread apart in so many directions by so many miles. He motions towards the webcam. Chawalissa turns to the camera. And with the most enormous and beautiful smile (and revealing her incredible face to us for the first time), she does something that none of us will ever ever forget.

I can't even begin to believe what I'm seeing. No friggin' way! That soon-to-be-Chawhusband of hers has already sparked up a joint in celebration. Mr. Officianado raises his hand uncomfortably, not quite sure how to handle the scene; wanting to remind him of the No Smoking during the Ceremony rule, but desperately wanting a drag himself.
Chawalissa is oblivious to it. She has only eyes (and a C) for us! A C FOR US!! She flashed us a sign and not just any sign!

I quickly switched over to Chatzky:


She flashed us a fucking C! Can you believe it? Talk about reaching our hearts. Like, seriously. It is kinda like cutting our fingers and bleeding into each other a bit. It bonded us further than we already are. MORE than your friggin' Travelling Pants girls, Chawalissa. Deeper and further and longer than that. Kinda like the union of marriage you made tonight. There's no getting rid of us now - you flashed us a C at your wedding....your virtual Chawbacon friends (who have evidently become soooo much more than that.)

We are your Chawgirls forever...... Congratulations, beautiful bride. I know you guys are ROCKING Vegas at this very minute and I wish that we were there. How I wish I was there.

For the record, that was one HAWT kiss. Everyone thought so. ( I totally believe all of the crazy sex shit that you tell us about him now.)


Magnolia said...

I am totally choked up!!
That is soooooooooo terrific!!!
Terrific that you Chawgirls were so far away from each other and yet so so connected. That you got to help set it up....that you were able to watch it as it happened.
I am a little teary eyed and my heart is aflutter.
Thanks for sharing this with us and bringing a smile to my face.
Congrats to the new couple.

Mom of 5 said...

It was amazing, wasn't it J? It's really cool to stop and think that all the Chaws were watching her get married at the same time TOGETHER although we were miles apart. It was a monumental day for sure.

Anonymous said...

It WAS awesome, wasn't it?!! I squealed and clapped my hands when I saw the C!
(SIGH) I wish we could have been there, but this was the next best thing!


Amy said...

Totally cool write-up J. The "C" is something I will never ever forget!! lol @ the joint!!! lmao.

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