A Slave to the Makeup

You know, I never go anywhere without makeup on. Not since I was about 13. Sometimes since becoming a mom, it's the same makeup as the day before with a little 'top up' the next morning. But, it's still makeup.

In high school, I used to get up at 5 am in order to get ready for cheerleading practise at 7 am. At least an hour of that was applying makeup. At some point, I found an easier process for the important daily application. Or maybe I just got better at it. Or maybe, just maybe, I got lazier about it. In any case, I was able to cut my application time in half.

But, at some point, a number of years back, likely trying to buy every last possible second of sleep after religiously being out past my bedtime on a work night, I started to apply my makeup in the car. It's an awesome time-saver. And, you're already seated and in front of a mirror. (a slight adjustment of the rearview will put it in front of you.) What better conditions for the application really?

The activity has a few drawbacks, I know. One of the major ones being that, if you don't have a lit vanity mirror, the lighting kinda sucks. But if you tilt the rearview a bit more at the next stoplight and lean forward into the windshield, you'll get the most perfect natural light. (Without the lit vanity mirror, it is a more challenging task to do this in the dark. But, is still totally do-able. You'll have to rely a lot more on the stoplights and the streetlights, though. And I highly recommend that you go directly to the bathroom once you get where you're going - just to make sure. Because of my evening "toy parties", I have to rely on this application procedure often.)

In my defense, I'm really really good at multi-tasking. And I figure I'm already eating a cheese scone, drinking a coffee, answering a phone call, trying to find a better radio show, reaching behind me in a move only a seasoned yoga could achieve in order to retrieve a lost book/toy/juice/choochie/insert just about anything here. So, what's a little makeup added to the mix? I might as well fucking look good when I crash. You put on clean underwear. I apply a bit of makeup.

We all know that there just isn't time at home.

The reason this whole thing was on my mind yesterday was because I left the house without makeup on. As usual. And I carried my black DaKine makeup bag to the truck, along with my Petunia Picklebottom diaper bag, a couple dozen eggs, and little T.Rube, who would rather have been jumping in the mud. At the point where I would usually start the application, I didn't.

I couldn't be bothered.

WHEN THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?????? That I can't be bothered??

I'm going out on a limb here and am going to say "about mid-2004", coincidentally timed with the birth of my first child. It has been a slow decline since then, exasperated in mid-2006 with the birth of my second child. And has brought me to this pathetic and naked place.

So, yesterday, while out, I would forget every once in a while that my face was naked. And then I'd catch a glimpse of it - in a chrome pole at Michael's (not only naked, but also deformed), on the side of the toaster at Walmart and in the mirror at the back of the vegetable display at the Superstore (the one that always makes me look so skinny). And I'd shudder.

I kinda slunked up to the checkout, feeling a bit inferior. And there was quite a line up, so I was forced to wait. I glanced up at the tabloids and saw this week's headlines. CELEBRITIES WITHOUT MAKEUP. How fucking fitting!!

I snatched (teeheehee..... I LOVE that word!) that baby up and found the pages I was looking for. And was instantly relieved and validated.

It's not just me. Everyone is butt ugly without their makeup on, particularly in the wrong lighting. (I've always HATED Superstore's lights. And Winners is even worse!)

I'm not sure where all of this leaves me, in terms of wearing makeup or not wearing it. I kinda hope that my one day without it doesn't lead to two days and then three and so on. (having a cigarette does that, I heard... ;o) )

I know one thing, though. As long as the girls are not in school and as long as I still have 20 minute drives to town, the makeup I do apply will be in the rearview mirror.