Definition: RUBE

What is a rube, you might ask? That is definitely amongst my top most asked questions - the others being: "Can I have some more juice?" (note the lack of please at the end of the question.), "What are these toys for, Mommy?" (they're for big people, honey...grown-ups. Not for kids.) and "Am I big enough yet now to play with them, Mommy?" (uhhh, no. And you won't be big enough. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Not ever. Ever.)

Rube is the word our family uses. It is the only namecalling we do. Rube can (and will!) replace just about everything. Asshole=Rube. Bitch=Rube. Brat=Rube. Manipulator=Rube. Sweetheart=Rube. Weiner=Rube. Love Muffin=Rube. ( Asshat is one that couldn't/shouldn't be replaced & Fork is often a nice one to pull out once in a while, too. And I almost forgot Fucktard. It really can't be replaced. It stands strongly on its own accord.)

Limitless.

And how, tell me how!, can you get mad at someone when they're calling you a Rube? And there's no way to stay pissed when you spit out, "You're such a Rube." Say it. Draw out the Ruuuuuube. It's just not a venomous word. In fact, conversely, it makes the corners of my mouth turn up a bit into a smile (although I'll rarely admit to this when B.Rube is being a Rube.)

And Rube can also have a more endearing quality to it, so when little T.Rube has just drawn all over herself and the table in a few short minutes, while my focus was on the computer, I can say, "T.Rube!!! You are such a little Ruuube." or when the bigger S.Rube is steamrolling T.Rube, I can say, "S.Rube. Quit being a Rube." It carries the message that I love them and think they're super cute, even though they've just acted like little assholes. .... I mean, Rubes.

And it can have an even more positive tone to it than that. You can use it when someone has gone out of their way to do something nice for you and you're a little shy about it. For example, when B.Rube plans our big Vegas wedding without me knowing, I can exclaim, "B.Rube! I can't believe you did all this! You are such a Rube."

It's truly universal. It's the only thing you'll need.

(Well, who am I kidding? You'll need a lot more than Rube to get you through. But, it's a start. And it WILL help.)


However.... it does actually have a dictionary definition that I wasn't fully aware of at first.

It looks like this:


or this....



(yikes)


The definition is :



(yikes again)

(so basically I'm telling my children they're stupid and ignorant. The tone, though, that I use is really important, though, right??? Or if I follow it up with a bit of a wink or blow them a little air kiss???)


Okay, so maybe we are a bit "bumpkin'ish", since moving to the country. Maybe we have embraced rural living a bit too hard. Particularly compared to our city friends, we may appear to have a bit of hayseed in our teeth. (or chewing tobacco, in B.Rube's case.)
I know I have a lot of mud on my gumboots.


I really think that my main concern ought to be that my Vegas wedding is looking more and more unlikely.

I shudder to think about the alternatives....