Sunday, February 13, 2011

I think I'll turn my Fuck List into my Bucket List

I was sitting around sharing an incredible meal at Tao in Vegas a couple of months ago with friends, and the conversation turned to The Fuck List. My friends explained to me that this was a list of names that you compile with your spouse/partner - a list of the celebrities that, if given the chance, your partner would want to fuck and you would allow your partner to fuck. (Because, let's face it... it ain't ever gonna happen.)

Well, I don't have a list. And neither does B.Rube and it isn't anything that we've ever talked about before even. My friends asked who would be on my list, if I were to have one. After thinking about it for a moment, I had to admit that I didn't have anyone to put on my list. (most likely the reason why I don't have one to begin with.) My friends argued that this wasn't possible and insisted that there HAD to be someone famous that I would want to fuck.

Still, I came up blank.

I've never been one to idolize stars or create dreamy scenarios where I meet a celebrity, lock eyes, and proceed to find the nearest broom closet or bathroom stall. In fact, I've never wanted anyone who hasn't wanted me. If you don't want me (and CERTAINLY if you don't even know I exist!!), lusting after you is truly a waste of my valuable time.
So, I held my ground and offered no names.

Then, a few weeks ago while surfing the net, I saw the celebrity athlete that I would add to my Fuck List. Cheryl Bernard, Canada's hottest and most well-known curling skip.
Slightly peculiar pick perhaps. Not the first, second or even thirty-fourth name that one might come up with for me and my List. But, damn, she does it for me. She just does.

And the girl's got guns!! And, I, a strong weakness for women's incredible arms....

And, if the arms alone didn't capture you, this one's gotta arouse a dirty thought or two.

Fine Canadian specimen.

So, last night, I was at the Canucks game, with one of the same Vegas friends with whom this conversation originated. And just before the game, the Fuck List popped into memory and I excitedly told my friend that I had recently realized that I DO have someone for my List and told her about Cheryl. She had the usual shocked reaction that the couple others I've shared this with had. But, you can't really dispute someone's choices. So, she kinda smirked and nodded and found it all very interesting, I suppose.
And, right about then, the Canucks announcer began introducing some Olympic athletes onto the ice and ....there she was...."Cheryl Bernard"....!!

With hope building and eager persistence, I spent the next 150 minutes scanning the boxes and seats for another glimpse. To no avail.

I decided overnight to turn my Fuck List into my Bucket List... you know, to appease that competitive side of me and give me something to work towards. To make this List worthwhile.
I may have to take up curling.

(ANDDD...not only is B.Rube okay with my List, he even said he wouldn't mind watching. Shocking.)


Joanne Spilsbury said...

Hahahahahaa. the ONLY thing about this story that doesn't shock me is that B.Rube would enjoy watching! Sooo funny J! I missed you!

thelma said...

just wanted to be the first to comment on your newly resurrected site...welcome back!

and for the record, there was not even a bit of shock in my reaction to your fuck list. keep trying, rube!

Anonymous said...

For a "I'm back" blog, I'll give this a 4 out of 10.
Sorry can do better than this. And do you have to say the "F" word so much?

J.Rube said...

Harsh criticism from an anonymous poster.. ;o)

I have a couple of ideas about who you are. If it's not my mom, I'll tell you that she would have said the exact same thing, but scored me a 0 or 1, I suspect.
In fact, her words "I wasn't very impressed with your blog. In fact, if that's what you're going to write about, I won't even bother reading it."

Ha! Y'all know me. I got a great balance of everything goin' on...

You'll have to keep checking back in to make sure my content, my dirty mouth, and my high standard are all where they should be. ;o)

Dana said...

Joanne was telling me about your fuck list... and I gotta say, mine would have to be Ewen Mcgregor. He's a fine piece of Scottish manliness. mmm. I don't think my husband would be too keen to watch though. bummer. You'd best bring your fine Canadian yogi butt back to the mat soon! We miss you! xox

Brenda said...

Ha! Brilliant post today. You should have seen your face when Cheryl Bernard walked onto the ice...priceless.

J.Rube said...

Hi Dana!!! I do miss my bikram peeps! Brenda and I saw Candace at the Canucks game on Saturday and she was giving me shit for avoiding the mat too!! Is my dirty old purple mat still there, btw, speaking of mats? Or have you thrown it out by now? I will plan on a bikram session next Tuesday. Are you there - working or practising??

Thanks Brenda! I'm sure my expression was a mixture of shock and drool. lol

Brenda said...

Dana, OMG! We have the same person on our fuck list!!! What are the chances? My husband is very aware of my Ewan obsession...and is a.o.k. with it, but only because it's never gonna happen.

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