I get asked all the time if B.Rube and I are done having kids or not. It's right up there with (when) are we getting married?
After the miscarriage back in November, we hadn't really talked about it seriously. Until we were in Vegas in June.
Someone commented to me that it must be such a difficult decision to make, and they wondered how a couple goes about deciding to stop or to have more. I told her that it wasn't difficult at all; that if it is to be, I'd embrace it. And if it isn't to be, I'd embrace that too. Embracing is easy.
So, B.Rube and I started trying. Whatever that means. (I don't want to get into details here, but our trying looks a little different than our not trying).
And the roller coaster ride begins.
For those of you who aren't aware of how the whole thing works, there is a two week period after ovulation/conception before a woman's period would usually start. This two week period, for many of us, IS EXCRUCIATING. and, at the very least, distracting.
We pay attention to every little possible detail or symptom there is. And we pee on sticks. Yes. POAS, as the online world says. Pee on a stick. The POASoholics become obsessed with pregnancy testing. They will start peeing on a stick at Day 6 or 7, knowing full well that their hormones would not possibly even be detectable yet. They will pee on a few sticks a day after that, until they get their positive result, or they start their period. Usually the latter. Although most POAS addicts purchase cheap tests from American Dollar Tree stores or online for $1 apiece, they often don't trust the negative results that these tests provide, so they go out to purchase better, more expensive tests. They will pee on 4 different sticks at a time by Day 11, looking for that positive result that they so desperately want. They will ask their husband to carefully examine the stick, to search for any sign at all of a line. They will post a picture of their sticks to online sites, like www.twoweekwait.com, and online friends begging them to please see that invisibly faint line. They will document online every shit they take, every sweet food they eat, every bad scent they smell and every dream they have. They will also document their body temperatures at various times during the day, include detailed description of their cm (cervical mucous) (I'll spare you the cervical mucous talk. The slugs are the only ones disgusting enough to include mucous talk.), and correlate knee and foot pain with implantation, or elbow and hip, if that fits.
The two week wait sucks. And is often a time you go through alone. If it weren't for those empathetic online friends.
Because, let's face it, nobody wants to hear you talking about your possible early pregnancy symptoms. Even your husband, no matter how much he wants another kid. I mean, really, all you can do is wait, right? So, no use in obsessing about it.
And, in any case, I have you. You have to listen. Because the other option is not reading my blog, and you know you won't do that.
So, as you can probably tell, I'm at the tail end of my "two week wait". And it's driving me crazy.
How is that every early pregnancy symptom there is identically duplicates that of PMS,too? Just to fuck with us further. Because the 'not-knowing' is just not enough, eh? Instead, I have to break out with a number of pimples, including one threateningly dangerous crater just sitting under the skin on my cheek bone.
( Understand: I don't get pimples. Not since Grades 6-8 when my permed bangs and the traditional 80's grunge style made a real greasy mess of my forehead. )
I experience waves of nausea at various points in the day and swallowing water at times makes me want to puke. I have horrible acid reflux and heartburn; enough to have bought some Tums from the lineup at TOYSrUS, and again a few days later.
This may be directly correlated, however, with my (over)eating. Holy crap. Major appetite - just want to eat and eat and eat and eat. I've blown my whole new 'diet' every time I opened my mouth and put something in.
I've been crampy - this one little area in particular. It almost feels like a little pinched muscle in there. At times, my lower back also aches. Speaking of aches, I've had bad headaches off and on for about a week now. And have just felt so lethargic and exhausted that I've only wanted to sleep. Speaking of sleep, I've been dreaming, too, every night, for the last 5 or so. OH, and gassy!! I am pretty sure that, for a few days, I was solely responsible for increasing the size of the hole in the ozone layer. yikes. Almost worse than our big white dog. But not quite. (Because NOTHING is worse than the big white dog. Nothing.) I'll spare you the toilet details and the cm (as previously promised), but just know that they were also right in line with all of the other accumulated data....
It all adds up.