Monday, September 1, 2008

Dear Animal Rights Activists...

....who released 6000 mink in my town last week.

Nice one. You bunch of friggin' tits.
MINK? That's your cause? Out of all of the unfortunate animals in the world who have no voice of their own, you have chosen the stinky, blood-sucking vampire rat called the mink?

In any case, you fucked up the other night. It was a bad idea to begin with (cuz who really cares about a bunch of slimy black rodents. Frankly, I prefer the mink coat.)
I see a bunch of flaws in your little plan and I've compiled them in a few points here below:

ERRORS YOU MADE LAST SUNDAY NIGHT WHEN YOU ATTEMPTED TO FREE THE MINK

1. You didn't realize that a perimeter fence had been built since you pulled this same fucking stunt a decade ago. So, almost 5000 of those mink were recaptured that next morning by farm staff.

2. You didn't really anticipate that hundreds of the freed mink would get out of the perimeter fence only to get schmucked on the roads surrounding the farm. (Thanks for saving them!)

3. You didn't really think ahead to realize that many of these mink will only die of starvation and exposure in the days to come, being a captive animal for hundreds of years with no great strategy for their own survival.

4. You didn't plan on your mink being viciously attacked by B.Rube, after they've managed to survive by brutalizing henhouse after henhouse, cutting into the throats of the chickens, removing their heads and sucking the blood out of their bodies through their necks.

Is this sounding familiar to you now? Do you recall one of your beloved black rodents killing Uniqua, our pet chicken? Do you recall an angry farmer in blue coveralls chasing down and ultimately pitchforking your beloved black rodent? And that wasn't the first mink killed here either. A bullet between the eyes got the last one. I like the pitchfork better.

Consider this a warning to your little mink friends. We will NOT tolerate anybody fucking with our birds. This includes all hens and roosters, ducks and Guineas.
Stay away from here. Far away from here.
You are as much our enemy as these little vampires are, tits. Back off. Donate a few hours a week with the SPCA or save the elephants. Or the seals. They're cute.
In any case, find something better to do with your time than this. It didn't work. And it looks horrible on you and your friends. Not good for your image and your cause at all.

Here's a reminder of what happened to your little friend.....




Now go back to the city. And don't let us see you around these parts again.

3 comments:

~Gretchen~ said...

I think you need to blow up that last photo and post it to the gate/door of where the rest are kept as a warning.

I just found your blog! Good to 'see' you again.

J.Rube said...

Hey Gretchen!! Nice to see you. (and get a comment even!! :o) )
Great idea.
I've checked your place out once in a while myself, after seeing you in the Closet.
I'll see you again, I'm sure....

Magnolia said...

J.Rube...

You should send this rant to your local paper.
Not only are you obviously passionate about this huge mistake....it was very well written and makes many good points.
Though I am clearly not affected by these "lovely" creatures...by the end I was completely on your side and understood your frustrations.
Such a waste...on many levels.
Keep up the good fight B.Rube!!!

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