One of the things that I did when I started the blog was connect it with a site that tells me what Google queries are finding A Rural Rube in its results. It is always worth a laugh and I have definitely seen some major trends over the past 6 months.
Here are my top ten hits:
9. blowjob swallow
8. sexual position of the week
7. lambing discharge mucous vulva
6. Edaleen Dairy
5. hung like a donkey
4. reverse cowgirl picture
3. rural rube blog
2. Do eggs need to be refrigerated
1. rube sex
That's right. Rube Sex. I get hits from rube sex every fucking day. And, they are almost all exclusively from Turkey. Sometimes Afghanistan and occasionally I'll see a Greece or Italy. I've been slapping myself in the head with the rubber glove trying to think of what the hell these dirty buggers are talking about. It certainly has nothing to do with B.Rube and I. I even googled rube sex myself. It doesn't bring up much. They get me - and it's usually a post called "Sex our Geese". Not quite what they're looking for. But, then again, WHAT ARE THEY LOOKING FOR?
I was telling this story last night.
And Thelma said: Rude sex.
and I said: yeah, Rube sex. What the fuck is that? Rube sex.
and Thelma said: Not rube sex. Rude sex. They are trying to type rude sex, but they don't know the word. They don't know the English.
(leave it to Thelma to have the ability to get into the minds of the Turks and think about rude sex.)
Oh my Lord, though, she's got it. ( I can't believe she's still in second with a brain like that. )
Rude sex. Those dirty Turkish bastards. I knew it.
They better have left the pictures of my poor dead geese alone.
Even funnier than the high number of sexually perverse and scary people on the internet are the random google search queries that I get that allow me to peer unseen into the interesting minds of others. Let me tell you, people google everything.
One of my favourites last week was when someone combined two of my recent blog entries and asked Google the question: "Is Michael Phelps hung like a donkey?"
Without even needing to see the proof on this one, I'm betting 'uhhhh,yeahhhh'. Have you seen the fucking length of that dude's arms? I've no doubt he has a donkey-sized fin acting as a rudder for him. Let's spell i-n-b-r-e-e-d-i-n-g one more time, shall we? (although I've no doubt that 'hung like a whale' would be more fitting here.)
About an hour ago, though, I got a google hit that leaves me shaking my head. I'm thrilled to say that my blog comes up in the #1 position for:
"The Mole Sisters sex toys"
The Mole Sisters?
Have you seen The Mole Sisters? There are waaaaay hotter chicks on Treehouse than those rodents.