Thursday, May 19, 2011

The Day of Rapture OR The Man from Mars is Eating Cars

You know we have less than 2 days left until Judgment Day, right? So what the fuck are you doing surfing the internet????


I wonder what time of day it will happen. Or what time zone it starts in. What country? or is it an instant global thing? I wonder if we'll know what has hit us when JC arrives? I wonder if all of the crazy people will just disappear from the Earth instantaneously? Natural combustion? or just POOF, into thin air? I can tell you that I'd have no problem with their vanishing act! The world would be a better place....

According to a large number of devout Christians, May 21st, 2011 has been declared Judgment Day, with the end of the world happening later in the year on October 11th, 2011.
Keep in mind, though, that this same group had declared March 21st, 2011 the original Judgment Day and after it came and went without mishap or the arrival of their saviour, they came up with the new date.

There's a house with a trailer out front that's all painted up on the road I travel to get to Bellingham in Washington State. For many months now, the trailer's message warns me that the Rapture is coming this week. Now the only Rapture I can remember hearing about (and it is a faint memory) was one that Blondie sang about 30 years ago. Although I do recall that the man from Mars was eating everything from bars to cars and they were warned to not move too slow cuz he was gonna eat them all. An analogy? Perhaps.
I checked out the website to learn more and educate myself further before simply pissing all over the idea, (google Family Radio if you're interested. I don't want to offer a direct link to their crazy thoughts...) which further confirmed for me that these believers are completely whacked out. So, piss away.


I keep having a flashback to 1993 with visions of a freaky cultish mass suicide pact a la Waco, Texas and the Branch Davidians. Or, maybe instead of killing themselves as the day arrives unceremoniously and without a peep from their Maker, they can just change the date again.

So, what the hell have you been doing with your time in order to prepare? Me? I've carried on with life as usual because I don't believe that crap. And if I'm wrong, I'll eat my sweaty running shorts. That is, if I haven't been shot straight to hell in a burning cannon.

I had to chuckle a couple of days ago as I passed by the home with the Raptured trailer out front. As I was approaching the house, I wondered what these people would be doing on these final days. Their website is advising them to pray. A lot.  Instead, oddly enough, I saw the man out cutting his lawn despite the rainy weather. I guess even Jesus expects proper maintenance.

And then there are those of us who, even in our dying days, still just want to see boobs.

2 comments:

Mayan_Love_Goddess said...

Hilarious post J.Rube. Thanks for my morning chuckle. I am a Christian and I can confidently say that this is a specific whackjob group and does not represent Christians in general. :D

Thelma said...

if I remember correctly, from the days before I turned in my Christian card, the bible says that when Jesus returns he will come 'like a thief in the night'.

we wouldn't need any kind of alarm systems according to this sort of logic.

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