Monday, May 9, 2011

Baring my Butt for all???

I had a funny-not-so-funny thing happen to me the other day.

I took a couple of pictures in Portland with my phone and wanted to upload them to the computer so I could put together the Portland blog. It's a fairly new phone to me and I've never plugged it into my computer before, so wasn't entirely sure what I was doing.

So, I plug in the phone, find the first picture I want to upload and click on the menu options. "Upload" is one of my choices and I click on it. The picture uploads and then tells me that "the upload was successful". Cool. Super easy! So, I click on the second pic and repeat the above process. Upload successful.
Then I start scrolling through my 83 pictures currently on the phone and upload some here and there...ones of the farm, a few of the girls, a couple of BB, and a couple cute portraits of me.
Ahhh..... and then... the butt shot.

Now, I know they warn us about taking sexy pics of ourselves with our phones, but sometimes it's just warranted, right? Like when your guy is far away in Las Vegas and you want to make sure he's still thinking about you. That's seriously the perfect time for a sexy picture text.

So, I'm looking at my butt shot (and appreciating it for the beautiful thing it is), and I decide that I really want to keep this picture. I want to be able to see it when I'm 80, or 60, or probably even 50. It's a nice picture, okay???  I hit "Upload".  It is successful and I turn to the computer to see my pics.
At about the same time that the text comes through.

"Thank You! Merci! We have successfully received your uploaded pictures at www.mytelusmobility.com. To view your pictures visit www.mytelusmobility.com"


WHAT????!!!!!

WHAT????!!!!!

Uploaded to WHERE?????!!!!!

OMG, this is not good. Not good at all. Instantly I am certain without a doubt that my ass is currently being shown across some flash on the top banner of some image site with the other most recently uploaded pictures, alongside the ones of my farm, my kids, my dog and my cute face. Shit.
My heart is pounding. I go to the computer. Sure enough, I can't find any uploaded picture file. I visit www.mytelusmobility.com and sign in there, search quickly and still can't find any pictures. I quickly dial my service provider's number and fortunately there's no wait to speak to a customer service rep.
I MUST FIND AND REMOVE THIS PICTURE INSTANTLY!!!

So, Manuel takes my call. I calmly explain that I had plugged my phone into my computer in order to upload some pics. I hit the "upload" option for a number of images and it told me that the uploads had been successful. I then calmly explain that I received a few text messages letting me know that my pictures had been received at mytelusmobility.com. I calmly let him know that I can not find my pictures on my computer and can only assume that they've been uploaded elsewhere. And then I calmly ask him where they might be.
To which Manuel says, " Alrighty, let's just take a look here."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  I mean... no. No. No, you can't do that."
And I then sheepishly explain that there's a picture in that bunch that I don't want anybody to see; that nobody can see. And that's why I'm calling, and even though I might sound really calm, I'm freaking the fuck out.
Manuel responds professionally, even though I know he's giggling inside! (and probably trying to find my pictures before I do!). He assures me that the pics would only have been uploaded to my own pictures folder at mytelusmobility; that they would not be uploaded to any sort of public site.

Whew. I exhale deeply. For the first time in a few long long minutes.

Except that the pics weren't there. And Manuel couldn't explain why or where else they might be.
So, he forwarded me to someone above him. And made me explain all over again why I was calling; made me explain again that I had taken a sexy butt pic of myself that I was now worried was smeared all over the internet. This guy, too, reassures me that the pictures would not have been uploaded to a public forum or to my facebook wall; that they only would have gone into my private pictures folder. Except he, too, can't find them. And my digging around produces nothing either.

So, the pictures are missing. Uploaded somewhere successfully, as the text messages indicated, but nowhere to be found.
It's the Case of the Missing Butt Pic.
If found, PLEASE return promptly to owner.

6 comments:

thelma said...

Oh J. Rube...don't worry. I'm sure you've long scandaled your way out of a position in politics. Look on the upside...you could approach politics via the Lewinsky method successfully.

Funny story!

Shannon said...

OMG!! That is so flippin funny!
In all fairness, if I had your ass, I would flash pics of it all over the world.

Anonymous said...

OMG J.Rube!!!! Too funny.

I have decided NOT to do anything like sexy pics again myself. As I, not being quite computer savvy enough, have accidentally left one I thought I had gotten rid of, on my mac book. Only to be found by Mason. EEEEEEKSSSSS!!!
I promptly blamed the subject of my pic. Threw him right under the bus I did. LOL And thank god Mason believed his innocent mother. LOL
I love love love your blogs. Make me belly laugh!!!
Miss you!!!
Magnolia xoxoxoxo

HollywoodChaw said...

Hey, a work of art like your ass should become VIRAL. after all, you've worked pretty damn hard to make it look that good!

AppleTree 43 said...

That's one for the books...eh?

But I gotta ask.......if it's just your butt, and not your body/face, etc.....how would anyone out in cyber world know it's "YOUR" butt???

J.Rube said...

Why, thank you for asking, AppleTree....
They would know it is MY butt by the very large, and rather incriminating, tattoo covering my entire lower back/butt region.
Just a slight giveaway.
Yep, that's MY butt alright.

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